Cautiously Optimistic

Oh my friends where oh where to begin?
Be forewarned that this post may wander a bit.

This blog has been an extension of me for the past year and it has seen me through probably the most challenging and unsettled year of my life.  You see, in the past year, I've gone from not working part time at a company I once loved but grew to hate, to working part time for my husband, to buying a house, to backing out of a house, to buying another house that I didn't particularly love, to a nightmare of an escrow that put emotional strain on us for a time, to deciding to remodel, to deciding not to remodel, to considering to move again, to now also taking a full time job.  Was the last sentence a roller coaster for you?  Imagine how I've felt living it.

Did you catch that last part of the sentence?  I'll say it again, I'm going back to work.  I'm cautiously optimistic about it.  I had planned on writing  a separate post defending my actions, making this grand announcement about how much I've thought it through and we felt this was the right decision for our family, and yada-yada-yada.  But you know what, all anyone needs to know is that after much soul searching, me and my family are at peace with the decision.  If you would like to leave words of encouragement and congrats, please do so, as I will willingly and lovingly accept them.  If not, then please don't.  A fantastic opportunity plopped itself into my lap recently, and so I will be working at a cool little clothing company as an Account Manager.  Basically, I'll be selling the clothes to the buyers of major department stores.  I've done it before at the previous company I worked at, and I loved it.  It was hands down the most fulfilling and exciting role I had.  I'm excited to see where this opportunity takes me and my family.  If you have any questions about this new role, please shoot me an email and I'll try to answer them as honestly as I can!  For instance if you are concerned that my children are going to be left to be raised by wolves, and want to know how we're going to handle childcare, I can answer you offline.  If you want to know how I am going to get dinner on the table, I will probably tell you that it's not really your concern. 

So where does this leave the other things in my life?  Well for starters, I will be closing down my Etsy shop indefinitely.  If anything what this past year has taught me is that I am very good and content when I am focused on 1-2 things.  I am not good when I am all over the place.  I will continue to sew for my children and make gifts here and there, but the demands of the shop are just completely unrealistic at this time. 

I would like to keep the blog going, although not at its current pace.  I think it would be fun to somehow incorporate my work life and the fashion world into the blog a bit more, but in an honest and genuine way.  I'm going to have to think about it.  I will always love to cook, eat, drink wine and take pictures, that will never change.  I will continue to share my life with my family and the occasional recipe here and there, but really we'll just have to see. 

For a period of time in the past 6 months I have seen this blog as a bit of a burden.  A burden in the sense that I was constantly thinking about how I could make it successful.  Increase readership, followers, write content that was going to get comments, show how crafty I could be, post amazing pictures, and on and on.   I've done a lot of soul searching this past year, and I've even started to see a life coach, and what I have learned about myself is that I've dealt with the upheaval and tragedy in my life by being successful.  First in school, then in my career, then as being a mother.  When I stopped getting a real paycheck (and the hubs doesn't pay me), this world of blogging became something for me to strive to be successful at.  And it is friggin' exhausting folks!  I really don't know how these mega bloggers do it.  In the past couple of weeks I can honestly say I've let go of so much of that and it is liberating.  If people read along then great, but if not, oh well.  I will write what I feel compelled to write and tell my story and share our lives in the most honest and real way possible.

You may be wondering what a life coach is and how it's different than a therapist?  Well her answer is; a therapist has you look in your past and work through it so you can live a better present and future life.  A life coach has you imagine what you want your future to look like, and guides you to what you can do in your present to get that future.  Sounds pretty crazy huh?  It's okay, I know it does.  But after one session I have already started to see a change in my outlook.  She is also a Believer so we can talk through things in terms of how they relate to my spiritual growth with God.

In terms of sharing what I learn in my life coach sessions?  I may or may not.  I tend to be the queen of too much information, and so I will have to make sure I censor myself.  I could share about tragedy and turmoil that has been in my life, because if I've learned anything, it's that the blogging world loves a good tragedy.  Some bloggers share their tragedies in a way that is touching, fearless and joyous.  Some do it in a way that makes it seem like they're capitalizing on it.  I think I better just stick to keeping my mouth shut and focus on the future and the positive.  I'm ready to do that.  We have a new congregation we are attending and are enjoying, I got me a new Bible that I look forward to marking up with pen and highlighter, my husband's business is chugging along and I am open to see what the future brings us.  Thanks for coming along with me.

God Bless.