Four Weeks - Life Updated

Hayden turned 4 weeks old yesterday and it seems strange that time is moving so fast.  The last two times I had a newborn I can recall with stunning accuracy how slow I felt time moved.  I ticked off the hours, willing, praying myself to get through the days.  That sounds terribly depressing doesn't it?  It's not meant to be, just the truth.  Life is so busy now between taking care of baby, house and the big kid and their activities and homework. 

The first time I was a mom I didn't have a clue what I was doing, so I relied on books to tell me what to do and in turn drove myself crazy.  The other day a memory was recalled of me actually setting my alarm in the middle of the night to go off every 3 hours so I could feed Taylor.  Can you believe that?  I was certain that if I didn't feed her every three hours on the nose, she would surely wither away.  The sad thing was that I remember having to actually wake her each time at 2am or 5 am to feed her.  Who knows how many countless hours of sleep I deprived myself of.

With Syd it was the actual daytime that I struggled with because the poor baby was so miserable due to his reflux and torticollis, and his ensuing physical therapy we had to perform daily because of it.  On top of that I had a sweet and curious little 2 year old to keep happy and busy.  I'm glad we had the two so close together, but gosh it was hard.  Now, I'm so glad we waited and have the gap that we do.  7 years later and I have learned so, so much.

Gosh times are sure different now and if I ever had any fears or doubts about "starting all over", now that both of the big kids were going to school full time, those doubts have quickly vanished.  Yes, it's hard work and yes, I'm exhausted.  But I continue to be in love and delighted by this sweet little guy every single day.  He has been such a blessing to our family and I can now say we are complete.

Four weeks sounds like a long time, and in many ways I feel like I need to start waking up from my little baby moon coma and get back down to business.  But it's gonna be hard to do that.  I hate to keep beating a dead horse, but for someone who never experienced that feeling of just wanting to sit on the couch all day holding my baby, it's a truly glorious feeling that I don't want to leave, but I know eventually it will be time to get back to normal.  I've already let  a few things fall through the cracks because I've been in a daze.  I've come to the realization that I'm going to need at least 2 days a week to write for my blogs and Disney, and so starting next week, when I'm due to return to writing at Disney, I'll start having my mom and MIL help a bit more.  I guess it will be good to get back to somewhat of a routine.

I'm also trying to walk with Hayden a couple of mornings a week because after a visit to the doctor's to get a TB test, I was weighed and I have over 20 pounds to still lose.  I know it's not a lot, but it's the most I've had to lose yet and more than anything it makes me frustrated that I can't button a single pair of shorts or jeans from pre-pregnancy yet.  I really don't want to have to buy all new bottoms for Fall when the weather turns cold.  A small price to pay for Hayden, but I guess I'm trying to be practical ;)  I will say though that I look in the mirror and I feel like I look fine, which makes me want to slap myself for ever having any issues with my body before.  I try on a pair of jeans and I think "how was I so thin, because I don't feel particularly much bigger than before?"  Body image is a trip.  In the mean time I've been posting weekly Postpartum Style updates on my other blog, and talking about how I'm dressing for the body I have now, using what I have in my closet.  Hint, dressing relies heavily on elastic waistbands ;)

Healing wise I finally feel like I'm heading back to normal.  I stopped bleeding just  couple of days ago, thank goodness!  Apologies if this is too much information, but the bleeding this time around was really heavy and long lasting.  My stitches healed up a couple of weeks ago and for the most part I think I'm almost back to normal, although I don't dare hold a mirror down there.  Does anyone really do that?  I never have and I don't think I ever will ;)

Breast feeding is going well and I'm still trying to work through some pain on my right breast.  My let down on my right side is much slower so he tugs and pulls a lot to get more milk out, leaving me quite sore and feeling mistreated ;)  I take an extra strength Motrin once a day and it seems to help get through the worst of it.  Gosh I love breast feeding, but it is such a tedious thing isn't it, on top of pumping?  I forgot just how much time it does in fact take up. 

I'm pumping once a day to get a bottle so Art can give him his midnight feeding.  I then take his 3/4 am feeding so we both get about 5-6 hours of straight sleep in a row, so it's not terrible.  My pediatrician suggested we start the bottle this time around, after Hayden was just week 1 old, and it's the best advice I've been given yet.  It's been a true life saver to have the help of my husband so early on.

Other than that, life is busy but good.  The older kids have adjusted quite well (minus a couple of rough weeks for Syd in the beginning).  Taylor continues with swim, horse riding lessons and jazz.  Syd is in swim and baseball, and Art is the coach, which has been really good for both of them to spend so much time together.  Syd will always need a bit more encouragement and hand holding than Taylor I think, a little more self-esteem pumping, so it's been really good for him to see Art dedicating so much time to him and the team.

And guys, I'm happy.  I continue to feel good and so far haven't seen anymore PPD symptoms, which I am beyond thankful for.  I don't consider myself out of the woods just yet, but to have made it 4 weeks feeling good is a blessing I'm truly grateful for.  Thank you for your encouragement and kind words, thoughts and prayers.  I hope to not be such a strange in the next few weeks but will do the best I can.

Take care everyone, and God Bless :)