Life List Be Done

As of this morning I barely had just over 40 items on my life list.  I called up Art and asked him to meet me at Peet's to help me brainstorm.  He knows me better than I know myself sometimes, and since many of the things I want to do, I want to do with him, I knew he'd be able to help.

We sat there one by one, adding some amazing things to the list.  All of a sudden I told him one of the things I wanted to add to my list; find the man that murdered my brother.  He immediately said absolutely not, and I knew deep down he was right.  He reminded me that I needed to move forward and suggested instead that I make a promise to visit his grave on a regular basis.

It's been 16 years since my brother was shot and killed in a cheap motel room just blocks away from our parent's house.  We don't know for sure what happened and his killer has never been brought to justice, but we can only assume it had something to do with an old drug related deal gone bad.  Since the day we buried him I've never once visited his grave.  Grief is a strange thing.  It ties you up in knots for days on end and it leaves you feeling wasted and like you never want to visit it again, and then it somehow disappears all together, sometimes for years at a time before you see it again.

I think it's safe to say that I've never properly mourned the passing of my brother.  When someone you love, someone in your immediate family, dies in such a way, there's all sorts of ugliness tied up in the mourning process.  Shame, embarrassment, regret.  Shit loads of regret.  Grief is grief and death is death and all of it is really crappy no matter what the circumstances, but when you hear that your oldest brother was shot and killed in a motel room, it's a bit unconventional.  When someone dies of cancer, or a car accident, or bravely doing a job, there's a sort of socially accepted form of conduct that goes along with the grieving process.  Within weeks of my brother's death, my high school boyfriend's sister also passed, from cancer.  She left a husband and son, and I brought them a chicken dinner, I remember.  I visited their home and gave my condolences and the house was packed with family members grieving for the loss of their daughter. sister, wife, mother.  They were reminiscing about her and talking about how much she was loved and cherished.  I remember thinking "well, things look a bit different here."  Where's the grieving manual titled Mourning the Loss of Your Family Member That Had a Disease and Was a Jerk?

I went away to university and graduated Magna Cum Laude (although it was from UCSB and their standards are a little lower), and I got a fantastic job working at a fancy-schmancy clothing company and I married a good boy from an even better family and made fine upstanding friends.  I went years without even telling a soul about my oldest brother.  Shame, embarrassment, all that ugly tied up in the grieving you know.  And then it really started to eat at me.  The last 2-3 years or so.  I started having reoccurring dreams about my brother.  In them I was always very young, and he was nothing but my big protective brother that nicknamed me Minnie on the day I was born.  There was none of that shame or embarrassment tied up in those dreams.  Every time I woke up crying from one of those dreams though.  I loved him so much and I miss him and I will always miss him because he was my brother and no matter what he did or what happened will ever change that. 

And so no, I guess I don't need to, or want to find my brother's killer.  That's not something I need to accomplish in my life time.  Instead I need to learn to properly mourn his death and remember him, the good and the bad, and I need to visit his grave.  And I need to take my kids to his grave and I need to tell my kids about him one day.  Because right now they don't even know he existed.  And I obviously need to see a shrink to work through some stuff because sometimes, it's screwed up there in this head of mine.  This time I'm going to try and find a Christian therapist to work with though.

So after all that, here's the final Life List.  I suggest you write one too just for fun.  Hopefully it won't bring up all sorts of angsty crap like it did for me ;)  I leave tomorrow.  I'm nervous and excited and I have all sorts of fun outfits planned because, DUH, what better way to deal with crappy childhood stuff than to plan fun things to wear?  Wish me luck.  Thanks for reading too.  You guys are the best.  Honestly, you are.  And really, can I just get some credit for giving it all to you guys here?  Fashion, DIY ideas, recipes, religion, childhood tragedies, I've got it all covered.  Adios amigos!

Andrea's Life List (as of 11/10/11)
Family

Teach my kids how to fish

See my kids graduate from College

See my kids get married & have children

Organize a family reunion

Throw my parents a big party for making it this far

Visit all major museums in the US

View the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade from an apartment

Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon with the kids

Take kids to Yellowstone & see Old Faithful

Stay on a ranch/farm

Take the kids zip lining in a rainforest

Teach kids how to snowboard

Teach kids dirt bike riding (Art’s in charge of this one)

Go sledding in White Sands New Mexico with the kids

Make a family movie

Cliff jumping

Teach kids how to drive

Take kids to their first Angels game

Digitize all film & organize footage

Organize all digital photos
Hot air balloon ride 

Spirituality

Read the Bible cover to cover

Go on a Mission trip

Visit the Holy land

Have a 1 on 1 session with a Pastor & ask all the questions I’m afraid to ask in public

Attend Bible study on a regular basis & study all the books of the Bible

Visit my brother’s grave annually

See a shrink to work stuff out

Travel & Adventure

African Safari

Spain

Italy

Greece

Great Britain

France

Canada

Australia

Japan

China

Germany

New Zealand

Swiss Alps

Visit 44 states (the coolest ones - there's 6 I have no desire to visit)

Live in New England for at least a year

Just For Fun

Learn a choreographed dance routine

Participate in a flash mob

Learn to spin records, even digitally

Go to the Winter Olympics

Go to the Summer Olympics

Create a bottle of wine with my name on the label

Attend Sundance Film Festival

Attend Cannes

Get teeth professionally whitened

Go to an NFL game

Own an acre of land, somewhere, anywhere

Watch 100 Best Movies of All Time (AFI’s 10^th Anniversary edition)

Own a 2^nd home for vacationing
Baby Whisperer meet up

Health

Run another half marathon

Become flexible enough to do the splits

Learn self defense

Complete a 1 month detox

Go to a wellness spa

Partnership

Write a screenplay with my husband

Attend a marriage and counseling seminar with husband to have a kick-ass marriage

Renew my vows

Celebrate 50 years of marriage

Go on a romantic vacation just the two of us

Finish that book we’ve had for a long time

Charitable Causes

Donate hair to Locks of Love

Start a Love 146 task force in Orange County/Long Beach area

Dedicate time consistently to a charitable organization

Raise & Donate at least $2000 a year to charitable causes (besides tithing)

Build a house with Habitat for Humanity

Donate money anonymously

Home Ec

Grow flowers from bulbs

Make homemade pasta

Create & maintain organized files/records

Maintain the 20 minute rule

Make authentic Spanish paella from scratch

Make sopapillas like my Grandma used to make

Learn to make Chile Rellenos

Master a basic pie pastry recipe

Create a working office/craft room

DIY an office desk

Invest in a quality sewing machine

Pay off mortgage

Get all ducks in a row for financial investments

Personal/Professional Development

Learn to speak fluent Spanish

Learn to play the piano

Making a living off my blog

Return to the fashion industry within the next 5 years

Take a photography class

Take a graphic design class

Learn Photoshop well enough so I don’t need Art’s help

Read at least 50 of the books on the 100 Classics List of All Times (between the US/UK versions)

Become a certified fitness instructor of some sort

Take an art class

Take an advanced sewing class

Take a jewelry making class
Get paid to do what I love

DIY Gold Filagree Earrings

I may have just found the easiest, least complicated jewelry DIY in the history of jewelry diy's.  Making earrings.  Yes, I know I am not the first lady to discover the art of making earrings, but it was a first for me.  If you make these earrings I promise you, you will feel all sorts of emotions including, but not limited to:

     

Joy at completing a project in less than 10 minutes.    

     Pride that you were able to complete said project for less than $3

     Fulfillment from actually finishing a DIY project

So here's what you'll need: 2 tiny jumprings (mine were 4mm), some sort of pretty adornment to use as the actual decorative part of your earring (I used filagree as you can see), 2 earwires, and pliers

5 steps.  How's that for easy?  Aren't they pretty?  And simple!

Perfect worn with a couple of chic and understated seed bead bracelets

I love any type of DIY, but there's something fun and special to me about creating jewelry.  Unlike a home based DIY project, it's something I can do all on my own, without the help of my husband.  I don't have to read instructions like I do with a sewing pattern, although asking questions is usually helpful and important.  It's therapeutic to me, something I can just do and completely zone out. Usually jewelry DIY's can be completed in less than a few hours, and that leaves me with such a sense of accomplishment.

And really, it takes me back to my teenage days.  One of these days I'll have to show you my bead box that I've had since I was 14 and still use today.  It has KROQ and Whittier High School stickers on it.  It reminds me of my youth, of feeling giddy over making a simple friendship bracelet, of spending hours in my old room at mom and dad's house.  Before the days of hustle and bustle and over analyzing, over critiquing all of my work and output.  It just makes me happy I guess.  And that's reason enough :)

Go to your local bead store and see what fun earring forms they have and create a special pair just for you or a friend.  It's simple, it's easy, it won't break the bank and it's made with love.  Enjoy :)

linking up with Today's Creative Blog for Get Your Craft On

Lemonade & Gray Skies

This morning as she was getting ready for school, Taylor asked "Hey mom, we usually go to church on the weekends but we didn't, how come?"  Well because we had to walk for diabetes remember?  "Oh yeah, of course!  God would totally understand."  Ya, I think he would.  On top of getting to walk in the JDRF walk this Sunday at Dodger's Stadium, we also crossed something off our summer list, yes, in Fall.  We held a lemonade stand!  All proceeds went to JDRF and Charity: Water.  

Lemonade stands are fun and awkward at the same time don't you think?  You stand on the corner and try to sell your goods and trust that people will a) not be afraid that your lemonade is poisonous and b) trust that you are in fact going to donate the money.  Or maybe I'm just the only cynic out there?  Either way, people came in droves and in 2 short hours we raised almost $80!  See that guy in the picture above?  He's holding a bag full of cookies and yet he's buying one of my sugar cookies.  That's right ;)

Even Grandma and Grandpa came out to help a bit.  Papa was in charge of sign making.

 Taylor poured and poured while people happily stopped and accepted curb side service while in their car

Neighbors came out to climb fences and pull our dog's tail.  And a grumpy old guy even stopped to tell me the damn government was gonna come shut me down because I didn't have a permit!  Damn government.  I appealed to his conservative side and said "that may happen in San Francisco but that ain't happening in Orange County man!"  He seemed to like that, but he still didn't buy any lemonade. 

Sunday was a very rainy gray day yet managed to clear up for a couple of hours so we could walk the two laps around Dodger Stadium and stay dry.  The clouds and gray skies actually made for some really pretty views from the stadium.

I love the look of Downtown LA.  I know it doesn't beat the NYC skyline, but for this native Southern California girl, the downtown skyline will always mean home for me. 

An empty stadium is such a cool site.

The girl we were walking for, Miranda!

Syd is with us, he's just in the bottom part of the stroller.  And I still can't beleive at 4 and 6 my kids still use a stroller.

Although half way through the walk they got tired of sitting and started running down the hill.  I had to do the chasing while Art hung back and laughed, photographing me almost falling (which will not be shown here).  Go Blue! p.s. see the green Hunter boots I'm wearing in the photo below?  I trekked it out to Riverside for Jules' friend Helena's estate sale and I got them for $25 - brand new. 

So our fundraising is done!  $150 raised for JDRF and about $400 raised for Charity:Water!  Thank you to everyone who donated and bought ad space.  Those that bought ad space I will be contacting you shortly to line up guest posts and such.

I leave for Camp Mighty on Thursday!  I'm rooming with Jules and Nicole and I haven't decided what pj's to bring.  PJ's are kinda a big deal for sleepovers no?  I've decided on my Space Party outfit, but I still have to finish my LIFE LIST!  Ahhh!  I only have 40 items on it.  Crap I better get busy!

Oh, and have you heard of the Happy Day Project that Julie and Jeannett are hosting?  I'm taking part in it for a couple of days before I leave but I love the whole flippin concept.  Love those girls and their hearts and focus on giving, be it big or small.  Go on over and check it out, it's not too late to join!

Camp Mighty Space Party

via Zara

The closing party on Saturday night for Camp Mighty is a space theme.  I've heard some are dressing up as aliens, astronauts, and 60's themed astronaut wives.  Pretty cool, but I know I wouldn't feel comfortable spending a night dressed like a space alien, or as Art suggested, Chewbacca.  So I chose this star printed blouse to wear.  Sort of has a celestial theme right? 

And I'm pairing it with these glitter leggings for a sort of sparkly outer space feel.  It may be a bit of a stretch, but I'm going with it.  I actually saw a girl in the mall wearing this blouse with a pair of blue jeans and it looked great, and the leggings will be fun for Christmas parties.  So I figure instead of spending money on an outfit or costume I'd never use after the party, I'd get something I'd be able to wear again.

 via Zara 

Now should I wear this look with heels or with flats? I tried it on with heels and it looked good, but I love how they look here pictured with flats.  My feet will probably thank me if I wear the flats I think ;)

Before I go, Nicole shared this post from Pugly Pixel, explaining why she turned comments off.  I have to admit I often feel the same exact way she does and it's a relief to know someone else feels the same way.  So what do you think, does turning off comments equal death for a smaller blogger?  Would you continue to read a blog if comments were turned off?

Thoughts of the Week - Comfort Food

There are some weeks when certain things just stand out at you and then there are some weeks when it all just seems to be a blur.  It's been one of those weeks.  I think a full weekend schedule of events falling into Halloween just sort of all blended together to lead me to today.  Today was a good day.  I got up early, filed 2 huge stacks of paperwork that's been on the floor, precariously strewn next to my desk for over 3 weeks.  I cleaned the house and finished sweeping down our patio from the tell tale dust of vicious Santa Ana winds.  I baked 2 loaves of bread (1 pumpkin and 1 gingerbread) and lit a candle.  I sat down and thought to myself, I feel at peace in my home right now.  But holy shit am I tired.  Dead damn beat tired.  So I don't have a lot of really thought compelling "thoughts" right now.

We've been working hard on our home these last few weeks which has a lot to do with the tiredness, and I think I'd like to share some pictures with you all next week, starting Monday perhaps.  All this hard work in our home though has made me turn to food, in a good way, in that "a piece of pie would sure settle my nerves right now" sort of way.  Oh come on I know we all have some type of food(s) that we turn to when we need a little comfort.  And not just comfort from sadness, but comfort after a hard days work when you need something that will just make you feel good.  I've been cooking a lot, and eating a lot :)  I have a list of comfort food that includes:

French Fries & Hamburger from In 'N Out
Banana Cream Pie from Polly's Pies
My Grandma's Green Chili Chicken Enchiladas
Chicken Tortilla Soup
Tater Tots & Fish Sticks
Brie, Salami & Crackers
Peanut M&M's & PayDays
Chicken Pot Pie
is this a weird list?

{cinnamon crispas}

Oddly enough, cinnamon crispas, while some may not consider quite comforting, are in fact a comfort food for me.  A bit indulgent, flour tortillas fried in oil then sprinkled with good ol' granulated sugar and cinnamon.  But not so indulgent where you end up hating yourself the next day.  It's supposed to be comforting remember, not hail Mary guilt inducing ;)  So I whip up these little beauties when I want a bit of a naughty snack...so for my thought this week, I think you should fry some of these cinnamon crispas up for someone you love, or you, for that matter.  Fall is in full swing and nothing reminds me of fall more than some good strong cinnamon.  These guys are both savory and sweet.  And yes, these were in fact inspired by the cinnamon crispas found at Taco Bell long, long ago.  I haven't set foot in a Taco Bell in years but I hear they're now called cinnamon twists or something similar to a churro of sorts.  Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I hear these type of cinnamon crispas are gone.  I always found it interesting how Taco Bell was able to make about 35 different things on their menu, all with the same 5 ingredients.  Weird actually.

 Just cut up a few flour tortillas in 1/8th's

 Fry them up in a few tablespoons of vegetable oil ( a few seconds on each side is all you need)

 flip over and fry a few seconds on the other side

place fried tortillas on a paper lined plate to soak up the oil and sprinkle with a cinnamon sugar mixture

and you've got your self a savory and sweet treat

So what are your go-to comfort foods?  Are they usually things you make yourself, or do you go outside the home for your comfort?

linking up with Mom Trends Friday Foods

DIY Seed Bead Bracelet Tutorial

It's been a while since I posted any type of DIY accessory tutorial.  My creative juices weren't flowing for quite some time, and I've learned to not force something that isn't there.  So I sat on these pretty matte and pearl beads for awhile before I figured out what to do with them.  And actually it was Taylor that helped get me a bit motivated, asking to make bracelets with me this past weekend.  So I got out my beads and we set to work.  These are rather very simple little bracelets, but there's something about how understated they are that I really enjoy.  Sort of a backlash to the over-the-top arm parties we've been sporting lately.  These little pretties just sit there and say "I don't have to be anything other than my dainty self." 

Taylor made one for herself in neon green and neon pink, and then went on to make 2 more as gifts for her friends.  I love when we carve out time to craft together.  Next to cooking, it's my favorite time with her.  I wanted to share these (even though they're so very simple) because I thought they might be a nice mom/daughter/girlfriend project to do together.  I'd like to make as many gifts for Christmas this year as possible, and I think with these we're off to a good start.  So here's all you'll need to make some... 

Supplies: Monofilament wire (aka fishing line), 2 crimp beads (per bracelet), 2 jump rings, 1 closure (I used a lobster claw but a magnetic closure would be even better for these), beads (I used seed beads and the longer gold pieces you see are called vermeil spacers, available at specialty bead stores), scissors & jewelry pliers. *please see note below about finishing off strung seed beads

Cut a length of fishing line to fit around your wrist, and loop one end through a crimp bead and jump ring as pictured.

Crimp your bead very gently with your pliers, or if you want to get fancy you can get an actual crimper available at any craft store, but you know, I'm cheap so I just use my pliers :)

String your beads in any pattern you want.  I am in love with these vermeil spacers.  While they're a little more expensive at $7.99 for a package of 8, I think they do elevate these simple bracelets and give them a nice touch. 

When you're done stringing your beads, create another loop around your jump ring that is attached to the lobster claw and crimp bead.

And then just crimp your bead again and cut off the excess wire, and you have yourself a dainty little bracelet in less than 15 minutes. 

I made about 8 of these in an evening, and actually made a couple of them extra long so that I could wrap them around my wrist a couple of times.  I love them all stacked together or even just a 1 or 2 as a simple statement.  And they're so light you don't really even notice them there at all. 

*Now a note about this method of finishing off strung seed beads.  If you recall in this seed bead necklace tutorial I posted a while back, I was still doing it the og way I did back in high school, which is quite honestly a little, er, wrong.  The nice lady at my local bead store instructed me on the crimping method as the proper way to actually finish off strung seed beads.  Which proves the age old adage is true; when in doubt, ASK!  :)  I hope you enjoy this little tutorial, and please let me know if you give them a try.

Linking up with Today's Creative Blog &  Tatertots & Jello's Weekend Link UP Party!

Playgrounds & Lollipops - Mixed Up Rider

{Chambray shirt - Kohl's; Skirt - Nordstrom Trouve; Boots - Michael Kors; Belt - Gap}

Still experimenting with the chambray shirt, this time pairing it with the very lady-like pleated midi skirt last seen here.  There's just about nothing this shirt can't do I tell you.  I do feel a little like a mixed up cowgirl though.  Chambray plus dainty pleats plus equestrian-esque riding boots make for a bit of a funky combo, but somehow I think it still all works together.  Maybe?  I don't know, maybe not, but at any rate I felt good in this look.

On another completely unrelated note, has anyone tried the bar method for a workout?  I started going to a bar-combo type class at a local place called Pop Physique and holy mackeral, what a workout.  I signed up for a 30 day session and I'm expecting perfectly sculpted buns by the end of my 30 days or I'm demanding my money back.  Not entirely true, but I am looking forward to trying something new for a change.  My body's kinda tired of just plain old Jillian so hopefully this will be a good lift to my otherwise very boring routine right now.  Wish me luck that my legs don't fall off by the end of the week!

Hoping everyone had a safe and fun Halloween and your kids aren't crashing too hard from the sugar high :)  Oh, and thank you to all those beautiful sponsors over there on the right that signed up for Sponsor for a Cause this month!  Yeow, we raised over $100!  Thanks so much for your generosity guys!  And if you still want to sign up, I'm accepting sponsors for a cause through the end of the week!