When Holidays Leave You Feeling Lost

You know those people that only show up to church at holidays?  Well, I used to be one of them.  I go much more often now, although in all honesty we haven't been in 2 weeks because of vacation, but our track record is decent.  We even made it to church when the clocks sprung forward a few weeks back.

But even though our track record is better in attendance, on days like today I'm reminded of how weak my faith really is.  I'm reminded how much I'm failing myself and my kids.  I'm reminded how much more I should really be doing.  Before we had kids I used to think that if we just took our family to church on a regular basis that would be enough.  It would be much more than I ever had growing up.  But as they get older and the questions start coming in, like "why is God called the destroyer and creator mommy?", I realize how foolish I am to think every thing they'll need to know to come to love God and lead a life worthy of Him can't simply be infused by going to Sunday school once a week and saying some prayers.

In all this though I'm reminded of God's grace and how if I was the perfect parent, there would be no need for my children to find Him or even need Him at all.  A wise friend told me that I just have to be patient and accept where I am in my journey right now, and the rest will come, but I'm losing patience and growing frustrated.  Mainly because I know in many ways I am in control of my journey and I can't just sit idly by and wait.  I'm not growing and haven't felt like I've been growing for the past several months.  I'm not sure what that means, but I'm praying about it so that an answer can become clear soon enough.  Because bottom line, if I'm not growing, my kids are going to have a hard time growing too.

I didn't mean this to be a downer post for Good Friday.  More so, I guess I just want to encourage any of you out there that may be feeling like me on this day, as we enter one of the most holy of holidays.  A little lost, a little confused, a little left out.  You're not alone.  There's Christians out there, like me, like you, that have the best intentions but fail miserably most of the time.  That want to be able to cite all the Bible verses that relate to this day but don't have a clue.  We'll get there friends.  We'll get there.  And to those of you out there that have walked in faith for years, and know all those verses and feel their faith feet firmly planted in the ground, have a little understanding, and perhaps offer some encouragement to those of us trudging along trying to figure it all out.     

Happy Easter my friends.  Thank you for reading...

Today I Prayed...

...and it felt good.
it was draining.
i shed a lot of tears.
but it was good for me to step out of my comfort zone.
to really think about what was important enough for me to pray out loud for.
i prayed for God's help and guidance in letting go of my perpetual worry.
i prayed for my children, especially Taylor as she gets ready to start a new chapter in her young life.
i prayed for my husband and the stress that he seems to always be under while running his own business.
i prayed for patience and guidance to help me be the mother that i want to be, and know i can be.
i prayed for a friend and her baby girl, whom i think about every single day.
i prayed for my friends and family, whom i love so much.

thank you Nancy for opening up your home this morning and leading us in prayer.  you were wonderful.
thank you Janna for sharing with me your struggles, and how you have dealt with them.
thank you Rachel for inviting me.

it was a powerful circle of women there this morning, celebrating the National Day of Prayer.
and i was honored to be a part of it.

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:19

He Loves Her...

...And I do too. Oh, how I love her.

Snapped these off this morning before Tay went to preschool.
May she always be proud of our faith and wear it as proudly as she wears this shirt.

The photo shoot was her idea by the way. I think we're creating a future diva!

Playlist

Our weekend:

• Attended Blog Sugar...more details to come with pictures. Let's just say, lots of awesomeness, and I left home with SWAG! So fun. Met so many great women including her, her, her, her, her, and her to name just a few. Fun, Fun, FUN.

• Worked here for a few hours.
  
• Went ice skating
• Had them over for dinner
• Went to the Long Beach flea market and got some vintage goodness
• Went to church
• Went to an herbal remedies class
• Had the parents over for dinner
• Had a regrouping meeting with Art. Bottom line: we need to get back on track with a schedule for the kids. Chaos has been abundant round these parts and we need to get back on track. This includes meal plans again for me. More on that later...
• Made an awesome worship CD playlist for me and the kids. Mix of kids and grown up worship songs for us to listen to in the car. Some highlights: How Great Is Our God by Chris Tomlin, Mighty to Save and Hosanna by Hillsong and Every Move I Make by Cedarmont Kids. Listening to it right now and it's awesome!

Phew, I'm tired!

Coming this week, pictures from Blog Sugar, pictures of my vintage finds and a new weekly subject post. I was inspired at Blog Sugar and am going to finally do a post about something that I have wanted to do for a long time!

Until next time my friends...

FAITH

I think I need to read this book. Like REALLY. I worry too much. I know there is been a lot to worry about lately, but seriously,

I need to learn that I am not always in the driver's seat.

I need to learn that He will always take care of us, even if we don't know what His plan is.

I need to have stronger FAITH.

I need to not pass on this trait to my children, the way my father passed it on to us.

I need to let go and trust in Him.

I need to seriously get in the game.

Period.

Here is a passage from the book that I stumbled on in my blog roll reading today:

"God does not demand that you and i have blind faith,
but abandoned faith, a faith that trusts Him fully.
Through His Word, God willingly reveals much about who He is, what His plans are,
and what He requires of us.
As we come to see Him and know Him he urges, "Trust Me."
Hundreds of times in the Bible God implores us to trust Him.
We tend to make trust a gray area, but with God the issue is black and white.
We either trust Him or we don't.
We're for Him or we're against Him.
We're in the game or we're on the sidelines.
As I think about true faith, heartfelt throw-yourself-in-with-complete-abandon faith,
two things come to mind:
*faith is rooted in God's character.
*faith is based on God's Word, not on our feelings."

Family Devotions

Did anyone read Eat, Pray, Love? I did, and overall I really didn't like it. I thought the author came across as a self-involved, self-indulgent spoiled brat. She made me roll my eyes and she made me annoyed. She even made me mad. They're making a movie about it and Julia Roberts is playing Elizabeth Gilbert. Ugh. I will admit though that the Pray section of her memoir made me jealous. The connection she was able to make with God filled me with a bit of longing. For some reason I haven't been able to let it go since reading that darn book.

I have actually been looking for a way to better connect and build a stronger relationship with God through Jesus Christ for a while now. The book just confirmed the longing. I love the feeling I get at church with the sermons, the music and community. By Monday though, most of that feeling is gone and I have to wait until Sunday to recapture it. I was raised Christian, but never consistently went to church. I have never read the Bible. We now attend church on a regular basis and I know I want something more, but where to begin?

Every year our church kicks off a new round of small groups and when I saw in the roster that neighbors two blocks away were hosting a small group discussion on Family Devotions, I thought it might be a good place to start. I've felt for a while that I don't want to just go through the motions with the kids of going to church, saying our prayers, etc. I wanted it to mean more. But how could I make it meaningful for us as a family if I wasn't feeling genuine about it?

The Family Devotions series is intended to get families reading small parts of the Bible together, and then reflecting and discussing on what was read. For someone intimidated by the Bible, I figured this would be a great way to get me reading and feeling more comfortable with it.

The first discussion tonight was about broken promises and we read from Colossians 3:12-17:

...you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be thankful...

I get upset with Art the other day about something quite trivial. When I read this verse it struck such a chord with me for many reasons. I feel like I have found just the right place to start my journey.