Friday, April 6, 2012

When Holidays Leave You Feeling Lost

You know those people that only show up to church at holidays?  Well, I used to be one of them.  I go much more often now, although in all honesty we haven't been in 2 weeks because of vacation, but our track record is decent.  We even made it to church when the clocks sprung forward a few weeks back.

But even though our track record is better in attendance, on days like today I'm reminded of how weak my faith really is.  I'm reminded how much I'm failing myself and my kids.  I'm reminded how much more I should really be doing.  Before we had kids I used to think that if we just took our family to church on a regular basis that would be enough.  It would be much more than I ever had growing up.  But as they get older and the questions start coming in, like "why is God called the destroyer and creator mommy?", I realize how foolish I am to think every thing they'll need to know to come to love God and lead a life worthy of Him can't simply be infused by going to Sunday school once a week and saying some prayers.

In all this though I'm reminded of God's grace and how if I was the perfect parent, there would be no need for my children to find Him or even need Him at all.  A wise friend told me that I just have to be patient and accept where I am in my journey right now, and the rest will come, but I'm losing patience and growing frustrated.  Mainly because I know in many ways I am in control of my journey and I can't just sit idly by and wait.  I'm not growing and haven't felt like I've been growing for the past several months.  I'm not sure what that means, but I'm praying about it so that an answer can become clear soon enough.  Because bottom line, if I'm not growing, my kids are going to have a hard time growing too.

I didn't mean this to be a downer post for Good Friday.  More so, I guess I just want to encourage any of you out there that may be feeling like me on this day, as we enter one of the most holy of holidays.  A little lost, a little confused, a little left out.  You're not alone.  There's Christians out there, like me, like you, that have the best intentions but fail miserably most of the time.  That want to be able to cite all the Bible verses that relate to this day but don't have a clue.  We'll get there friends.  We'll get there.  And to those of you out there that have walked in faith for years, and know all those verses and feel their faith feet firmly planted in the ground, have a little understanding, and perhaps offer some encouragement to those of us trudging along trying to figure it all out.     

Happy Easter my friends.  Thank you for reading...

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