Thoughts of the Week - Struggling

It wasn't all rainbows and unicorns in Yosemite, I promise you 

It's been a struggle lately.  Even typing that is a bit of a struggle.  How do I choose my words so that I don't sound like a whiny desperate housewife?  But at some point you just have to toss some worries aside and write what's on your heart.  I've mentioned before that the kids lately have been experiencing many highs and lows.  It ain't getting any easier, the unpredictability of it all.  The unpredictability, the up and downs of parenting, the way parenting can test a marriage, both good and bad.  I watch my daughter skip home from school and I get tears in my eyes marveling at just how lucky I am, how blessed.  An hour later I'm calling my husband telling him she's possessed and I've had to revoke her swim lesson because she is so out of control.

We used to have our good days and our bad days, but now it's like our good hours and bad hours.  It changes so quickly and no matter how prepared I try to be to cut craziness off at the pass, it always seems to veer around my attempt and I have to confront crazy head on.  I'm not calling my kids crazy, just this parenting journey that we all struggle with and try to act like we are all coasting along just fine, and then after a night with really good friends you realize that we are all a bit crazy and we all do some things that make us feel awful and make us feel glorious as well.  But it's nights like those, it's friends like those, that let you know you're not alone.  It's coming home realizing that the tears you shed from both laughter and sadness have caused your mascara to run all over your face and no one bothered to tell you, but that's okay because it was worth it.  That comfort, that peace of mind in knowing you're not alone.  I'm so very grateful for friends like these.

We had an exceptionally tough morning earlier in the week and at one point, please excuse my disrespect, but I wanted to punch my husband in the nose.  I was so angry.  After I cooled off we talked on the phone and I asked, "What are we doing wrong?"  And his reply was simply this, "Nothing.  This is life and we're just living it.  We're not doing anything wrong, we're just having to figure it out as we go along."  And he was so, so right.  He's usually right, I'm just too stubborn to admit it sometimes.  I'm so very grateful for a husband like this.

I always look at difficulties as a problem to be fixed, but these are children and there is no "fixing" them, just guiding them.  Praying that God shows you the right path, praying for God to give you the right answer, praying for God to grant you that patience to use the more gentler words, and the knowledge to know when to use the stern words.  Knowing when to push and when to ease off, knowing when to drive the ship and let it just coast along.  Parenting is a myriad of analogies and symbolism isn't it?

 grumpy, whiny kids on a hike.  

i think i told them to suck it up and stop complaining, and smile.  Not my proudest moment

 Parenting is tough and joyous and amazing and a constant struggle and learning experience.  Some days it's really, really hard for me to find the joy in mothering but most days that joy hits me so hard in the chest that it just about blows me over.  But that's the nice thing about living day by day.  You can take a bad day and throw it out and start fresh the next day, or you can learn from it.  I'm trying to spend more time learning from my mistakes and then throwing the rest of the junk out with the garbage.  There is always a new day, there is always a chance to start over and there is always unending Grace and Forgiveness. 

Thanks for listening.  I think it goes without saying that I've been a little emotionally exhausted this week.  I hope to be back to "normal" soon.  Whatever that means.