(chamomile at 4 am to help me go back to sleep - so far not working)
Thoughts of inadequacies and failings often hit me late at night or in the middle of the night. The time of night where I'm supposed to be in a solid slumber, resting up for the day ahead. Something wakes me up, right now it's usually pregnancy hormones, and then I start thinking. Sure I think about what I have to do and get accomplished, but I often turn to what I'm not doing and could be doing better. Often in the middle of the night these thoughts of fear and failings seem much more scary and far reaching than they do in the light of the day.
So to give some light to these fears and make them seem less big, I thought I'd write them out here and share what currently has me up at 3 am, sipping a cup of chamomile until I can fall back asleep.
Bibles - the kids own Bibles that is. For some reason it dawned on me right now that I should have already bought the kids their own Bible to take to church with them. They each have their own story Bible, but neither of them have an actual Bible. Any suggestions or thoughts? Am I worrying too much about this too soon?
Prayer - Speaking of religion and kids, we don't pray nightly with the kids. We say prayers together all the time and we pray for them, but we don't make it nightly ritual for some reason. This really bothers me and we need to change that. And I'm embarrassed by it. I think it would help to get us on track if we had a specific prayer to say every night. Is there a children's prayer you say with your child each night?
Thumb & Finger Sucking - Taylor has reverted back to sucking her fingers and Syd hasn't stopped sucking his thumb. I told them both that we would get back to (and start with Syd) the yucky nail polish wearing in the summer, but summer for us is now officially half way over. The kids start back in 3 weeks and do I really want to start now and potentially ruin the rest of our already short summer? Advice?
Sight Words - I also told myself that I'd start sight words with Syd in preparation for Kindergarten. I am not of the belief that kids have to be or should be reading when they start Kinder, but thought a little preparatory practice wouldn't hurt, on top of what we've already been doing with writing and math. And again, 3 weeks away and no sight word practice. Do I just let it go now or give it a casual go for the next couple of weeks?
Outdoor cushions - they really need to be cleaned but it seems to big of a job right now and so I refuse to add it to my to-do list, but it really should be, especially since they're nice and we invested in them and I hate not taking care of our nice things. Makes me feel wasteful. Is there someone I can pay to clean my outdoor cushions?
So this is what I'm mulling over when I should be sleeping and giving it up to God. See, now that I write it out I look at this list and think "My goodness Andrea, you silly, silly woman! There are much bigger problems and things you can be worrying about than these. Count your blessings! You all have your health and can feed your family and you have nice outdoor cushions to worry about cleaning!" It's really a lesson in perspective too I guess. What about you? Maybe if you say what's on your mind and what's troubling you it won't seem so big and bad?