Thursday, March 8, 2012

Was It Planned?

{I'm procreating with this man again; now that's scary}

The question I've been asked the most often after telling people we're expecting is "We're you planning it?"  Naturally I guess that's a fair question all things considered; my age, the space between this pregnancy and our other two kids (5 and 7 years), and the fact that we had told most people that we were pretty much done having kids.  But what cracks me up the most is that people figure it must have been an 'accident'.  At age 35 I think I have it pretty well figured out how you get pregnant, and how to prevent it.

I know more people that I can count on my hands, grown women mind you, that have had an accident baby.  Now I know this probably sounds condescending, and apologies if it does, but it boggles my mind how you can have a woopsy pregnancy as a grown up.  There are 4 common ways that I know of, that cause adult married couples to have a woopsy:
  1. The breastfeeding as birth control myth
  2. The having sex too soon after a vasectomy situation
  3. The rhythm method as birth control option
  4. The "we had a much needed date night and got a little too tipsy to remember protection" situation
Let's talk about the first misconception; that as long as you're breastfeeding you can't get pregnant.  While it may work for some, it is not a full proof 100% successful method of birth control for all.  The problem is that each women's body is different, and for some, all you have to do is breastfeed twice a day and you're covered, while for others you have to breastfeed 8-10 times a day to get full protection.  And any light reduction in bf'ing can cause a hormonal shift and leave you no longer 'protected'.  Not to mention the fact that there is always that tricky time frame during breastfeeding where you suddenly get your period back that is kind of a mystery. You don't know exactly when your period is going to come back, and so that small window of opportunity is up for grabs, and if you happen to unknowingly have sex during that time frame, bam, you wind up pregnant.   

Number 2, isn't it common knowledge now that vasectomy does not equal instant protection?  There's that waiting period, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it's a good 6 weeks, where your husband's little guys can still be very much active and travel the distance to indeed pregnant you?  Point being, continue to use protection until you've had the guys tested to confirm the shooting of blanks. 

The rhythm method as birth control is in theory a good means of prevention, and I admit to using a rough version of it.  And by rough I mean I'm paranoid and only consider about 5-7 days out of the entire month that are truly safety zones.  The other 25 days in my mind are risky.  But even when we practiced the rhythm method, I always knew that there was a chance of me getting pregnant, that this method of birth control was not the most effective foolproof way to prevent a baby.  I knew!  So to practice the rhythm method and then claim to have an "oopsy" is hilarious to me.  Ahem, but I'm sure it happens ;)

Oh and the last one is probably the best way to have a woopsy baby.  A baby bred out of love, a glass of Pinot and commiserating over why you don't have sex enough anymore.  This indeed happened to my best friend's sister with her 4th child, and while it scared the living daylights out of them for 9 months, she gave birth to a son, after 3 girls, and they couldn't be happier.

So no, this 3rd baby for us was not an accident.  It just took me a while to warm up to the idea of having another baby.  It took me a while to feel ready for another child.  It took me a while to realize that our family was indeed not complete.  But even if it was an oopsy baby, we'd still be happy just the same.  

*Disclaimer - I know the most careful and well intentioned people still have accidents.  I by no means am trying to poke fun here, although I guess it kinda sounds like I am.  So apologies in advance if I offend anyone ;)

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