Do you ever ponder the reasons God puts different options, paths, choices in front of you? Of course you do, right?
For months now I have wondered, debated with my husband why, out of the blue, a job was literally just dropped in my lap. When I decided to take that job I somehow was able to weave together a belief that God had presented it to me as an opportunity to grab a hold of some semblance of control back in my life, to give me an opportunity to get ahead financially. With so many struggling, I surely could not look a gift horse in the mouth, so I accepted.
It never quite felt right from the beginning, as you've seen me struggle on occasion. But I moved on and forward because that's what I was raised to do.
But recently, call it what you will, there were so many signs that I could no longer ignore. A sermon at church, a chapter in a book, a song on the radio, a blog post. There was a reason I was being moved so much by these everyday occurrences, everyday parts of our lives. It was because He was trying to tell me something I knew deep down inside, but I had to come to it in my own time.
The time was yesterday. I would love to share more details about the whys and my journey to get to a decision, but I think it would be best to wait a bit.
But for now I just wanted to share that bit of news. I was going to write about nail polish this morning, but somehow it seemed more appropriate to write this instead.
Last night as I got home and Art and I celebrated a bit, he said to me, "You know, maybe all along God was giving you this job not as a financial opportunity, but as a test of temptation, and to teach you to not be so worried about money." Yes, I guess so, or conversely some could say that it was the devil tempting me.
But I choose to look at it in a different light. I don't know if I really believe in those sort of tests, I am not a conventional Christian I guess. My faith is growing and has grown so much in the last year, but it is still a work in progress and I am still, at the tender age of almost 35, developing the platform that build my belief system. But for now I choose to believe that God is always good. I choose to believe that He gave me this experience as an opportunity to show me what I want in life, what is truly important, what I really can extract joy from. Is it in a fancy job that I can be prideful in? Is it in the added security of a second income? Maybe someday. But not now. Now, I know where I belong and I know where I want to be.