5

I've read every comment on my post from Thursday and I'm continually taken aback at how thoughtful and caring complete strangers can be, to offer support, advice, and just hugs to someone they've never met.  Thank you so much.  As I continue with this pregnancy I'll let you all know what I decide.  Thank you, thank you again a 1000 times over. 

In that post I talked about my relationship with my son and how sometimes I blame myself for why we're not as close as I 'think' we should be, or why he prefers my husband over myself most of the time.  Well the funny thing about writing out your own thoughts and feelings, is that sometimes it helps you realize where your logic and thinking are kind of wrong or warped.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, writing is truly one of the best forms of therapy, whether you do it in public or not. 

Syd turns 5 tomorrow, a milestone of a birthday indeed.  I swore that this year for his birthday post it was going to be all positive.  If you look back at the last two years, you can definitely detect a bit of frustration on my part...but this year I wanted to write something different, because things are different. 

It's no secret that things were tough with Syd for the first four years.  Did I ever mention we hired a night nurse after he was born because he slept so little?  Who does that except for rich Housewives and royalty, right?  Well we did.  Because we were at our wits end.  But that's for another post.  After we got past sleeping we entered phases of tantrums and stubbornness, and picky eating and hitting and well, just every rotten stage you can think of a toddler going through, we hit.  My husband, God bless him, always the optimist, would say to me every few months, "Just wait, he's going to be a great kid, I just know it."  I admittedly didn't always share his positive outlook.

I'm getting to the positive part, I swear.  This year things did start to change.  I guess the best way to put it is he started to mature so that we could start to see his true personality every day, consistently.  We put him in Speech Therapy, and his confidence started to build.  He was frustrated less because we could understand him more, and he felt more comfortable talking to us.  He opened up, he blossomed.  Right before our eyes in the last year.

It's funny because the more of his personality that I see shine through, the more I realize that many of the battles we have as mother and son are really because we are so much alike.  He's stubborn, just like me, he's tenacious, just like me.  He's a perfectionist, extremely sensitive and harder on himself than we could ever be on him.  All like me.  They say that when two people are so much alike, it often leads to clashing rather than harmony.  I guess they're right.  Now that I can finally see how much we are so alike, it's changed my perspective.  But aside from all those tendencies he gets from me, he also has the most incredible sense of humor, just like his father.  He's creative and imaginative and inquisitive and a born engineer.  All traits from his amazing father.  He's a perfect mix of the both of us and I thank God that I can finally see that.  Our relationship in this past year, even past 6 months has grown more than it had in the last 4 years.

Yesterday Syd was "sprinkled" at his preschool, a tradition they have on each child's birthday.  They put a crown and cape on him, brought him flowers and sang, and then at the end they sprinkled him with confetti.  Art was able to come and of course he wanted him standing right next to him.  For a long time that would have made me jealous a bit.  Why him and not me?  But my perspective has changed, and writing that post the other day helped.  Now instead of being jealous, I'm working on being thankful he has a father that understands him, like he understands me, and is patient with him and caring, loving and playful.  It's no surprise why he should naturally gravitate towards his father.  I did after all.  And I guess that's what building a functional family is all about; combining different strengths, personalities and interests and striving to have them work together instead of fight each other.

So, happy birthday Syd.  This year more than any previous year, I am so excited to celebrate you, and the little boy you have become.  I feel like I know who you really are, now more than ever, and that you is awesome.  Truly, truly awesome.  With every bit of my love, Momma.